i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
