my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
