oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
