Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
