FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Also, beer. Big fan.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
