we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize