I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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