You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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