On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
