Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Everclear isn't food dammit
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
