New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
So apparently I’m into choking now
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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