i'm signing you up for texting rehab
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
