Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
