Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
