DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
