he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
