Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
