We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
