I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You need a sexual gate keeper
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
