I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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