i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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