His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
