Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
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