Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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