Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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