I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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