honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I need to align my fucking chakras
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
