Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
