YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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