I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i need an iv and a liver transplant
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
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So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
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You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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