White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
