Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
