Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
