I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Randomize
