haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
