had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
