hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
