Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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