and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
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