they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
