the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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