Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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