like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
