Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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