my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize