I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize