She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize