don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
