just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You ruined the universe
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
