My sheets look like a crime scene.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
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