So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
