I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
