Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
