he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
