My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
love makes seman taste better
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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