when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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