My first STD was from a foam party
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
