You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
