My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
