I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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