That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
