i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
