So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
