she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Be still, my beating vagina.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
