So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize