I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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