it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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