i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
