): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
