if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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