Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
