he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
